Trigger words and book covers

Justin is the "face" of the gym I had joined a few months ago. He was the first person I spoke to and is the quintessential fitness manager: good looking, gorgeous smile, minus 3 percent body fat, a set of guns (biceps) to complete the package. When we met, I thought that he saw me as a cow, cash cow that is. With that in my mind, I proceeded very carefully though the initial process.

So once we got through the nitty-gritty of signing my life away, I was told that I receive a free session with a trainer. Okay, what do I have to lose? I looked at the list of trainers, their specialities and pictures and thought, no one is even close to my age....what the hell would they know about someone my age and condition. So I chose to meet a pretty young woman who also had a nutrition background. Maybe there would be some sort of connection.

Our meeting began as I anticipated: questions about my life, job, health, habits and goals. No surprises there. She asked me how do I want to feel when I achieve my fitness goals. My reply: I want to feel healthy. I want to feel comfortable. I want to feel sexy. With that, I began to cry. The trainer was caught off guard, and so was I. Also extremely embarrassed I was as well. Where the hell that did that come from? Once the tears stopped flowing, we finished with session with some exercises on equipment I had never seen before.

On the way home, I racked my brain as to what happened. What triggered such a emotional response with a question that seemed so general? My answer was a little different then how I would normally respond. I want to be healthy and comfortable, which I think everyone wants to be. Though I am blessed with decent health, I am taking more medication than I want and my knees are not happy with all of the excess weight above it. I am also very tired of the social embarrassments of being uncomfortable in settings that are not meant for the larger folk....airplanes seats for example.

Sexy....why would I say that? Very atypical of me to use that word to describe me. Maybe in my thin youthful moments would sexy be part of my vernacular, but now? Did my "sexy" pass me by? Can a middle age woman be sexy? Do I need to attract the attention of other men? ( I am happily married). And should I really care? Well obviously a part of me still does.

When I met Justin a few weeks later, he must have heard from the trainer about my emotional outburst. So he begins to inquire about making another match with one of his trainers. The conversation was heading south real quick, with my patience in short supply. I cut to the chase: "Justin, looking at you, I think I am around the same age as your mom. If your mom was sitting across from you, who would you pick as a trainer?" A hundred watt bulb lit up over his head and he quickly rose up."I know who to bring to you and he is working right now." Wait, what..."He? Well if the trainer is a male, he better be a good looking one." Yep...I said that!

So Justin brought back a guy...well a kid! He looked like.....a 12 year old kid...baby face with a soft spoken voice. WTH! I looked that the both of them and thought that this was a cruel joke. So another meet and greet was set up with the knowledge that if this didn't pan out, the search would end.

On the way home, pretty steamed about the whole thing, I heard a voice saying that there was a reason this kid was picked and that I would soon learn about. I need to look in the book, not just the cover.

The "kid", Al and I went through the same routine that I experienced with the first trainer. The same questions were asked, answered in the same manner, without the tears this time. When the Q and A was done, Al had me walk on the treadmill and talk to him to see how fast I could walk and talk without losing my breath. So we began a getting to know you dialogue. During that time, I asked him why would Justin chose him to work with me. He showed me pictures of his mom who he helped lose 60 pounds. Al explained how his mom was able to get off of her medication and how she feels like a new person. Then he spoke about how it took him three years to get his body in the great shape it's in, with pictures to prove his point.

On the way home from the gym that day, I marveled at how this worked out. By letting go and letting the flow, I received what I needed. So do I now have a personal trainer....yep! And I am happy to say, that so far, so good.