Anthony, Kate and Robin to name a few....

Once again the world lost two very interesting people, ones who truly walked their walk: Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade. Much has been written and discussed about their talents and gifts as well as the action that ended it: suicide. I won't delve into this, but their deaths brought back a few memories.

2014 was probably the hardest, saddest and toughest year for me. My mom died unexpected, as well as a handful of folks I knew and/or worked with. A death by suicide that year that stunned many was that of Robin Williams. Even as I type this, I shake my head in disbelief and a sadness comes over me. I remember crying, "not another one!" in my home when the news broadcasted his death. I wasn't ready to accept another person gone from our world. To lose someone who touched you in so many ways, whether those close to you or from a distance is difficult. I still marvel that I made it through that year.

But being exposed to suicide first happened to me in college. I was part of a large group of friends who circled around a guy name Dave. He made many friends from different places that ended up meshing into one VERY large group. The commonality of the group, besides Dave, was music, partying and to an extent, a lack of direction.

One of the guys, whose name I unfortunately can not remember, was the most gorgeous guy of the group. Tall, broad shoulders, well built, blue eyes, dark hair....all the physical traits that we...well maybe I was looking for. Very personable, very funny as well. What else could you ask for.

Then he died, by suicide. Wait...what? Dead? Are you kidding? No way....yes way. Shocked speechless, yet rumblings of questions and second guesses. This was to be my first funeral. I didn't know what to expect.

I saw a body that looked like him in a beautiful box in the front of a big room. While the room smelled beautiful, the emotions were far from it. It was oozing of sadness, of disbelief and of grief. Many of our friends cried as well as I. But I left the sobbing to myself in my room at home. I didn't want to burden others with my emotions.

We all carry some sort of dark side (without the light saber) in our soul. Some wrestle with it and make amends with it. While some use actions to deaden the pain. Some carry it like a ball and chain to their grave. Some use it to help them navigate this earthly plain. Some give up and call it a day. Who am I to make a judgment call on how one deals with the dark side?